39 weeks pregnant... we never even had time to prepare ourselves for that day.
Sitting on her living room floor the night before, i had just gotten back from bringing her two older girls to the circus. We sat there going over the weekend plans - we had a family wedding in Mississippi on Saturday, so Christina had an appointment to go in in the morning to make sure everything was ok before heading out of town.
Wow. How fast our plans changed. Friday morning (the 27th) in the middle of a session i got the call that i needed to be at the hospital as soon as i could get there. They couldn't find Karsyn's heartbeat.
What an incredibly horrible feeling as you drive to a hospital that has always brought such joy. Family and friends continued to trickle in over hours… some not sure of the news. Such a tough conversation to have in a waiting room filled with other peoples family and friends awaiting their happy news. After going in and sitting with Christina for a while, it was time for everything to begin. I left the hospital to go get the camera equipment that would assist me in capturing the saddest session that I will hopefully ever have. As I left the studio I called my mom to check on the status. “She’s here” she said. “And she’s beautiful”. Just like I knew she would – she looked just like Kylie – but, with Kinleigh’s dark curly hair.
It’s hard to wrap your mind around something like this… to know that I was there when we found out she was a girl and to see her little heartbeat on the screen in the ultrasound room… never would you ever imagine this outcome.
Walking into the delivery room to see her – my mind was a wreck. Constantly trying to control the tears… failing miserably…
She was perfect in everyway. Ten little fingers, ten little toes… just beautiful.
They had found a knot in the cord.
We moved to a regular room and I set the equipment up. Not knowing how I would ever regain my composer on the inside. The only thing pulling me through was the thought of never having another chance to capture these moments. Our memories will fail… we’ll slowly forget how perfect her tiny feet were. Now we can always remember.
It’s been a really hard week to get through. I feel completely scattered… most days not really being able to focus on much… my emotions constantly up and down. I keep going over this quote “Our family is a circle of strength and love. With every birth and every union the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.” such truth in those words.
I hope the saying “Time heals all wounds” is just as true… sadly I’m in disbelief at the moment.
1 comment:
Wow Cherish! My deepest sympathies go to you and your family. I cannot even imagine going through this and it scares me so much that things like this happen! I'm sure she was perfect in everyway. I will pray that your family can heal fast. That is the scarest thing to me and I can only pray that it never happens to me or to anybody I know. Again, my deepest sympathies. I don't know how you were so upbeat at my photo session on July 5th. We really had fun with y'all. The pictures you took of your cousin and her newborn are breathtaking and so touching. I can't wait to see mine.
Thinking of you and your family,
Jen & Baby Parfait
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